Link to Bruce's show.
I have recently discovered a new guilty pleasure online; fan fiction. Here is one of my favorite pieces. It’s equal parts understated and creepy. My favorite thing about this story is that I get to hear Keanu’s thoughts as well as our heroin’s. Man, the author must REALLY understand Keanu.
Awesome Fan fiction!
Who knew that the rantings of psycho, obsessive fans could be so god damned entertaining? It is my pleasure to present, in honor of Bruce McCullough and my long, long, LONG TIME LOVE for all the alumni of the Kids In the Hall, my own personal fan fiction which is completely based in reality... my reality. What?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kids In the Heart
Molly's heart races as her hand turns off the ignition. The Kids in the Hall Show had been better than she'd expected. After seeing them play previously three separate times on two different tours, she didn't think they could pull out too many more surprises. Their TV show had been off the air for many years and as comedians they had moved on to the solo projects that gave their egos a gentle stroke. Projects that separated them, from each other, and from Molly.
Molly's long supple legs exit the sexy, maroon Camero and drag her up to the door of her own apartment. A neighbor man getting his mail, turns around just in time to see Molly's profile before she enters her front door. "Is this an angel from sexual heaven?" he thought? "My boner says yes." Molly doesn't even notice him. Sigh. The facial expressions that Kevin McDonald used as his punch lines were already fading into the recesses of her mind. Tomorrow she would be paraphrasing setups and in a week all she would be able to say is… "Yeah, the show was pretty awesome."
Fiddle through a pile of Netflix DVD's and try to find one that will deaden her mind. Dull the pain of not being able to just… touch Kevin's hand, if even for a moment in passing to say "It's truly an honor." Sky High? How fitting. Kevin plays a small roll as a teacher. Popping it in she sits on her tasteful couch.
Before the previews even begin, there is a knock at the door. "Who could that be?" No one's expected to come over, and yet Molly's stomach somersaults with a pang of anxiety that bubbles from the guts that reside below her Goucci velour tracksuit. For a second her imagination has gotten the better of her. This wasn't going to be The Kids in the Hall at her door. How ridiculous.
Molly puts her deep seeded evergreen eye up to the peephole and she almost vomits into the soft pallet of her hot, wet mouth. "Oh my God!" That forehead, those eyes… it had come true! Kevin McDonald was knocking on her door. And behind him stood the other four members of the group; Dave, Bruce, Scott, and Mark. A deep breath washes over her tongue and settles into her perfectly sized bossom. (They're not too big, not too small…simply enough) Still as a statue she remains to let the blood come back to her brain. "They're just people, be cool."
"Hello?" Molly's voice was charming and steadfast as the door gave way to reveal their beautiful middle aged faces. Did they notice she was dancing inside her pants? Cause her body was still.
Kevin spoke first. "Sorry to bother you. We're The Kids in the Hall. Our limo just broke down outside your complex and we need a place to stay for the night. I know this sounds insane, but do you think we could crash here? We've got our own toothbrushes." Each man stands holding a pair of bunny slippers and a soft bristled, swivel head. Molly's eyes must have given her away because Kevin smiled. "Don't worry; we'll make the limo driver sleep in the car."
Upon entering the men set out scouring her CD, comic book, and DVD collection. Holding up 4 seasons worth of Kids in the Hall box sets, Mark hollers out "I guess we've got a fan here boys!" "Kids in the Who?" Molly is grinning at her own suave wit. The five men laugh out loud.
Bruce holds up her "Y the Last Man" collection of comic books. "Man, you seem so cool. We should party with you." Scott is pulling up documents on her computer. "Hey, are these your sketches?"
"Yeah, I'm a comedian too." The reply was measured. She didn't want to sound to eager.
Scott's face started to twist into the strangest look and Molly's heart stood still as she expected the worst. "These are fucking hilarious! Guys, come read how fucking funny this chick is." As a gaggle they swarmed the laptop. Soon the room was filled with the howling, open-mouthed laughter of five genius men.
Kevin turned slowly, but even so his limbs flailed about in such a way that Molly couldn't help snort through her nose. "Hey, Molly… you can't be a Kid in the Hall, because we've already branded ourselves. But we think you're the funniest, smartest, coolest, most beautiful woman we've ever met." "Yeah! Even I want to fuck you and I'm gay!" Came Scott's two cents. Kevin's hand found hers in something like a handshake and more like a shoulder massage. "We want to be friends with you and hang out all the time." The other four were in unison behind him. "Yeah! Be our best friend!"
Molly's chest heaving, she took in the first full breath since their arrival. She was ecstatic. Her one good eye locked on Kevin's gaze. Silently, they mentally texted each other. His read, "U R my comedy sol mate." Hers read, "Tuk U long ENUF 2 find me."
Bringing out 6 down pillows, Molly barely had time to pass them around before heads were being smashed and giggles filled the air. You could have called it a fight, but no one was getting hurt. In fact they were all healing each other with love. They were all going to hang out all the time. Forever.
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