Strange Days

There are (1) people who like politics. There are (2) people who like the stock market. There are (3) people who like the arts. There are (4) people who just wanna have fun. Maybe some others.

Usually those first two groups have crossover, and the last two as well, but it's pretty rare to find a 1-3 pairing or 2-4, etc.

Certainly my peers, while responsible voters, were not obsessed with the Bush-Gore election. Certainly my peers could not explain the stock market's bizarre tics.

But here we find ourselves, at a time when due to a conflagration of post 9-11 searching, previous generations' money borrowing, 24-hour news saturation, a 2-year campaign trail, A Series of Inconvenient Truths and spam that references the credit crisis, being interested in the arts or having fun with your friends feels fey/juvenile/wasteful/pointless.

Right after 9-11, of course, a number of comedians took a couple weeks off, because even they couldn't figure out how comedy mattered any more.

And it's truly bizarre to see KCAL reporting on Damien Hirst's "For the Love of God" sandwiched between bankruptcy stories.

This is actually a familiar feeling: in younger days, many many people told us that we needed to put down the guitar, and that it was wrong to worry about whether you liked your clothes when there were those who had none. And then the first few of our generation edging into adulthood "opted out," in one way or another.

Philosophically, I believe culture is precious. I don't think there is any sense in sending Tim Hawkinson and Joanna Newsom off to die in a war. I don't think Tracy Morgan should be laying low while the country's in a serious mood. But these days I feel a bigger and bigger disconnect between what I think about and what I think I should think about.

That last sentence could be misleading - of course I care about the election and the economy. Many people I love deeply will have their lives irretrievably altered if things "get worse." But I voted early and voted my conscience: why can't I enjoy my book tonight? Why do I feel like I have to watch the news to see what's happening with the election?

It's certainly not my hobby. I am not a (1). I get so confused and frustrated watching the news that I have a no-TV news rule. But now I feel like I have to break it, like not watching could have some disastrous consequences.

Last Thursday, a window opened up. I was flushed with creative energy, and ready to assign myself a 5-a-week regimen of exercises from Miranda July's "Learning to Love You More." Now, I'm back to where I was Wednesday, meaning I couldn't even think of that. I literally feel that the threat of terrorist attack, war, or economic meltdown is so nearby, making my creative impulses feel meaningless. Why? Is the threat real? For how long?

In July, Adbusters ran a cover feature about "Hipsters", calling them (us?) the dead end of civilization. It was a ridiculous those-darn-kids article suggesting Adbusters may be out of ideas, but it's general idea was disturbing: kids who go to concerts are inferior to those who volunteer.

Is this true? If so, where does it stop? After work and sleep, I have about 6 hours every day. Should I be maximizing those 6 hours for their social impact? And how do I know what's more important: Leaving aside my passions, and just going with political issues, is it more important who wins the US presidency or how soon we (the world?) can stop the genocide in Darfur? Could I impact homelesness more by writing about it, or by handing out sandwiches? Is it an issue of balance? Can I justify spending $20 on Synecdoche, New York instead of socking it away to make up for my plummeting 401(k) (and the non-existent ones of artist friends I would hope to be able to help as we got older)?

Or is it true, against all my better instincts, that the best way to care is to create Rock For Change and Raves For Breast Cancer?

I feel like my list of concerns is becoming less and less my own. Stephen Covey ("The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," yes, I've read it) talks/writes about our "circle of concern" and "circle of influence" and how many of us waste energy worrying about concerns and not wielding influence. But when surrounded by constant messages of threat to life and well being (for me and loved ones), how do I find joy in making a nice dinner "baked with love" for Mrs. Blogfather? How do I care about what a young artist is saying about the history of conceptualism? Why is my joy being taken from me? Are things really this bad, or am I letting the worst logicians' arguments strangle my brain?

What happens next?